Syndicates
by jenben
Summary: Merton gets kidnapped by a vampire syndicate for his genius. It's goofy but fun. You read, you review. You got?


Disclaimer: I don't own Big Wolf on Campus and I make no profit from this fictitious story.

Syndicates

Merton sat in front of his computer.  The past week had been very hectic, what with a full school load, updating his website, and helping save the world from creatures of the night.  With such a busy schedule, sleep was a memory.

            "Wolfsbane is good for…for…c'mon, Merton, think!  Why are the words not forming?  What—did I break a synapse?"  He fell back in his chair.  "Stupid brain."

            "I don't think it's stupid at all."

            Merton spun around.  He came face to face with a boy who had not been in the room five minutes ago.  "Who're you?"

            The boy smiled, revealing a pair of fangs.  His clothes were black as was his hair.  His skin was even paler than Merton's.  "You can call me Eddie, Merton."

            "You know my name?!"

            "You've made quite a name for yourself in the supernatural community.  A lot of people are impressed by what you and Tommy Dawkins have done."

            Merton's eyes got bigger.  "You know about Tommy?"

            "Merton, I'm a vampire—I know everybody.  But I've been keeping an eye on you.  I happen to think you have a ton of potential.  So I talked it over with some of my people and we want you to come work for us at the Vampire Syndicate."

            "First of all: there's a Vampire Syndicate?  And secondly, no.  I don't work for any syndicate; we've never really gotten along.  Now go away, I have work to do."  Eddie took a menacing step towards Merton.  "Please?" Merton asked, his voice cracking.

            Eddie reached out and grabbed Merton by his shirt, pulling the surprised Goth out of his seat.  "This isn't an option."

            When Merton struggled to get out of the Vampires grip, Eddie head-banged his victim.  Merton fell back into his chair, unconscious.

            "Stubborn human."

            Merton awoke with a headache.  He gingerly felt his forehead, then regretted the action.  It hurt.  A lot.  The room he lay in was dark and cold.  He shivered.  "Um…hello?  Helloooooo?  Eddie?  Vampires?  _Any_body?"

            "Good morning, Merton.  Sorry about knocking you unconscious, but you weren't very cooperative.  How do you feel?"

            "Like somebody hit me in the head with a baseball bat.  What do you want?"

            Eddie sat down while the other two stood guard by the door.  "You may not believe this, but when it comes to the supernatural, you're a genius.  We want that genius on our side.  Got it?"

            "No."

            Eddie shook his head.  "You're going to work for us.  You'll stay here and help the Vampire Syndicate and a few of our brother syndicates because we don't want to be greedy with you."

            "Oh, I understand!  No."

            "Maybe you _don't_ understand," Eddie said with a sudden edge to his voice.  "If you don't help us, we'll kill you."

            Merton turned the same shade as Eddie.  "But if I help you, who'll help Tommy?  You guys are always after Tommy to turn evil!"

            "We are _not_ the Werewolf Syndicate—though I'll admit we support them whole bloodedly.  And you don't want to be dead, do you?  It's so boring."

            "No, no, I don't want to be dead, but I—I mean I can't just—did you know that kidnapping is illegal?"

            Eddie rolled his eyes and motioned for the other two vampires.  The two silent ones grabbed Merton and held him down on the bed.  "But I don't _wanna_ die?" Merton squeaked.  _Oh, Tommy, anytime you want to burst through that door is fine with me_! He thought desperately.

            "Killing you won't help anybody.  How does a good brainwashing sound?"

            "Bad."

            "Excellent!" he yelled and took out a vial.  Merton struggled against the grip of the two vampires, but they were like steal posts.  He stopped trying to move and just sighed.  The vampire on left grabbed his head and pried his mouth open.  Eddie poured the vial's liquid down Merton's throat.  He had no choice but to swallow it since a hand was clamped over his mouth.  He coughed and gagged but after a few minutes it was all down.  He could feel himself starting to feel funny so he took a few deep breaths to get the oxygen back to his brain.  That wasn't the problem.

            "What's happening to me?" he asked.

            Eddie motioned for the two guards to let go of Merton, who tried to sit up.  He managed to prop himself on his elbows and then quickly fell back down.  "_That_ is what's happening to you.  That liquid was _Tericotis Venomonous_."

            "I've heard of that!  Whoever ingests that has his will turned to mush.  But how did you find any?  It's so rare, I've got to know—wait a minute.  'Will turns to mush.'  Poopie."

            The vampire laughed.  "You feel kind of tingly all over, don't you, Merton?  Your thoughts are getting jumbled up and don't make much sense?"

            "Show what you know; my thoughts are _always_ screwed up."

            "You're feeling sleepy and weak and soon your eyes will glaze over and I'll tell you all about your role in the syndicate.  Now just lay back and let the drug work."

            Merton blinked.  "I _am_ laying back."

            Despite his efforts, Merton's eyes soon glazed over.  Eddie turned to the other vampires.  "We work _so_ much better than the Werewolf Syndicate.  They have no idea how to brainwash a person.  You can go.  Riefus!"

Riefus walked into the room, looking an awful lot like Rufus of the Werewolf Syndicate.  He happily stepped over to the two, holding what appeared to be twenty sheets of paper.  "Mr. Stokes gave me the script to read to Merton.  Is he ready?"

"Yep."

Eddie grinned and stood up.  "Great, because I'm starved.  I'll se you later."

"Okey-dokey.  Now," Riefus began, looking at the top sheet of paper.  "Can you hear me, Merton?"

            "Yeah."

            "From now on, you will devote yourself to the Vampire Syndicate.  You will do whatever you're told to do.  You will use your knowledge to help only the Vampire Syndicate and whomever else we tell you to help.  If, in the future, the Vampire Syndicate should—oh, heck, this is way too long.  Look, Merton, you work for us, you _want_ to work for us, and you _don't_ want to help Tommy Dawkins.  Got it?"

            "Yeah."

            Riefus smiled.  "Whom do you work for, Merton?"

            "The Vampire Syndicate."

            His grin smile widened.  "Good.  Now sleep it off, Merton.  You've got a big day tomorrow.  Boy, I don't know _what_ Mr. Stoker needed twenty pages for."

            Merton woke up in the same room on the same cot.  He felt completely drained and exhausted, plus his head hurt like crazy.  Suddenly, he heard voices outside the door.

            "Why didn't you just bite him?" a feminine voice asked.  "He'd make a great vampire.  Even better—let _me_ bite him!  Mmm…I'll bet he's delicious."

            "Hush, Roxy; we _couldn't_ bite him.  That drug we gave him last night only works if he's human.  If someone bites him, his brain'll go back to normal and we'll be short one genius.  Now put your fangs back in your mouth and let's greet him."

            Merton scrambled to his feet as the door was unlocked.  "Hi?" Merton said tentatively.

            "What's the matter with him?" Roxy whispered.  "He's actin' funny."

            "He doesn't remember last night.  He just knows that he wants to help the syndicate."  Riefus turned his attention to Merton and smiled warmly (or, as warmly as a vampire could).  "Hey, buddy, how ya feelin'?"

            "Okay, I guess."  A light seemed to go on in Merton's head.  "I should help the vampires—I _need_ to help the vampires.  Uh…how do I help the vampires?"

            Riefus nudged Roxy and grinned with pride.  "Come with me; I know just the person to answer your questions."

            He led the way down a dark, dreary corridor.  Merton felt right at home.  The hall was lit with torches and at the end of it was a closed door.  The three walked into the room and met a _very_ imposing man.  "Hello, Merton."

            "Gyah!" Merton squeaked, taking a step back.  Roxy put her hand on Merton's back and pushed the human forward.  The big, scary man laughed.

            "I do like this one.  How do you do, Mr. Dingle?  I am Brahms Stoker."

            "And I'm the tooth-fairy," Merton replied.

            "Hey, I know her!" Roxy chirped.  "She's a lot of fun.  She's kind of dark, but a lot of fun."

            Brahms looked at her.  "Dark?"

            "C'mon, the fairy's got a fetish for teeth.  What do you expect?"

            "Enough!" Stoker boomed.  "Do you want your first assignment, Merton?"

            Merton nodded eagerly.  "More than anything."

            "Good, because your first assignment is to bring Tommy Dawkins here.  We have a debt to pay to the Werewolf Syndicate on your behalf.  Tommy was the price of the T_ericotis venomonous_.  So go out there and bring back Wolfboy.  Make us proud."

            Merton shrugged.  "Okay."

            "Where have you been?" Tommy demanded when Merton met him by his locker.  "I've been looking for you all morning!"

            "I was at the Vampire Syndicate.  You need to come with me."

            Tommy laughed.  "Yeah, right, Merton; And I was hanging out at the Werewolf Syndicate.  C'mon, buddy, where _were_ you?  We were supposed to be working on our science project in class and without you I couldn't do anything."

            "Why?"

            Tommy bit his lip.  "I, um, don't understand what it is we're doing.  So where were you?"

            Merton showed no sign of joking around.  "I was at the Vampire Syndicate."

            "Find, fine, I'll bite: why were you at the Vampire syndicate?"

            There was an awkward silence.  "I don't know," Merton said finally.  "I don't remember how I got there, but we're supposed to go back.  Together."

            "Something is very wrong here.  Let's get you back to the Lair," Tommy decided and took his friend by the arm to lead him out.  Merton pulled away.

            "We need to get back to the Syndicate."  He started to walk away but Tommy grabbed him by the waist and heaved him over his shoulder.

            "C'mon, Merton, 'ole pal, let's get you figured out."

            "Let me go."

            "No."

            "Please?"

            "I will not let you go, Merton.  You keep trying to leave to go to the Vampire Syndicate.  If I let you go, you'll just try to leave again.  Now how about you tell me why you need to go there so badly and I _might_ untie you."

            Merton fidgeted under the rope Tommy had used to tie him to his chair.  Tommy had obviously been a Boy Scout because Merton could barely move under his bindings.  "I work for them now.  I want to help the vampires and I need you to go with me so I can give you to them so they can give you to the Werewolf Syndicate.  We have a debt to pay."

            "But why do you work for them all of the sudden?  What happened to you?"

            The young Goth looked perplexed.  That really was bothering him.  He tried to work trough the problem.  "I know that I woke up this morning in a room on a cot and two vampires came in to get me.  They took me to their boss and he told me to get you.  But I don't know what happened before that.  I really don't.  Can I go now?"

            "No!"  Tommy stopped and thought for a moment.  He picked up Merton's telephone and dialed the school.  "Hello?" he asked in a deeper voice.  "This is Lori Baxter's father.  Get my daughter on the phone."

            After a long wait, Lori answered the phone.  "Daddy?"

            Tommy nearly snorted.  Tough Lori called her father _daddy_?  "This isn't you dad, Lori.  It's me.  I'm at Merton's house and he's acting really funny.  Can you come over?"

            "Sure, _dad_.  I'll be right over.  Don't worry about a thing."

            Lori walked into the Lair, then stopped.  "Tommy, why is Merton tied to his chair?"

            "That's why I called you.  He's gone berserk.  He showed up in school this afternoon telling me he works for the Vampire Syndicate and we both need to go there.  It's freaking me out."

            "There's a _vampire_ syndicate?"

            "Apparently.  But he doesn't remember anything; I asked how he got there and he doesn't know.  What should I do?  I'd normally ask Merton, but as you can see, he's a little tied up at the moment.  Gosh, I love that joke."

            Lori rolled her eyes and sat on Merton's bed.  "This really doesn't strike me as a "joking" kind of time.  Merton, why do you want to go back to the Vampire Syndicate?  And why do you want to go with Tommy?"

            "Because we owe Tommy to the Werewolf Syndicate."

            Tommy and Lori looked at each other in shock.  "You _owe_ me?  Are you a vampire, Merton?"

            "No.  I mean, I don't think so.  I mean…I don't know."

            Lori turned her attention to Tommy.  "They _must_ have brainwashed him.  You acted weird like this after the Werewolf Syndicate brainwashed you.  There's no other explanation.  Merton's your best friend; he'd never willingly want to turn you over to an evil group of werewolves.  Our lives are much too complicated," she noted.

            "So, somebody's messed with his head.  What do we do?"

            "Since we know the source of the problem, I say we confront it.  Surely a werewolf could take on a couple of vampires."

            He nodded and started to untie his friend.  "Merton, wha'd'ya say we go to the Vampire Syndicate?"

            "Yippee!"

            Lori started to lead out with Merton and Tommy.  Tommy turned to her.  "Where do you think you're going?"

            "With you guys!  Merton's my friend, too."

            "I need you to stay here.  If something happens to us, we need a lifeline.  Please?  Lori!" he whined.  She consented to stay behind, but warned him she'd show up if she didn't hear from him.

            Tommy and Merton stood in front of the Vampire Syndicate.  It looked eerily similar to the Werewolf Syndicate.  "Cozy place they got here," Tommy muttered.

            They walked in and were instantly greeted by Riefus, Roxy, and Stoker.  Eddie had been sent to the Werewolf Syndicate to make arrangements.  "You're back!" Roxy yelled.

            "Yeah!" Riefus exclaimed.

            "And he brought Tommy Dawkins."

            When the three moved to congratulate Merton, Tommy wolfed out and stepped between them and his friend.  "What did you do to him?"

            Riefus and Roxy jumped back, though Stoker stood firm.  "What do you mean?"

            "I know you brainwashed him and sent him to get me.  What is it you want?"

            Brahms turned to Eddie.  "Do you remember that script I gave you?  The one you were _supposed _to read to Merton after you fed him the Tericotis Venomonous?"

            "You mean the really long, three sheets of paper?  I read it."

            "All of it?"

            "Nnnn…what do you mean by "all" of it?"

            "None of this matters!" Tommy yelled.  "Just fix Merton!"

            Riefus stepped forward.  "Um, we kinda can't do that."

            Tommy bared his teeth.  "I didn't _ask_ you to fix him.  I _told_ you to fix him.  Now do it!"

            "No one is taking order from you, Mr. Dawkins," Brahms said as he pulled a lever.  A cage dropped over Tommy.  He discovered it was silver as soon as he touched the bars.  "Roxy, take Merton to get some rest.  Riefus, call some of our brothers to move the werewolf into the basement.  Then come and see me.  We need to talk about obeying orders and what happens when you don't."  He smiled, revealing a set of fangs.

            When Riefus returned with three others, Tommy started to question him.  "How many syndicates are there?  Am I gonna go through this again and again?"

            "Let me see," Riefus said as he and the others hefted the cage up.  "There's the Vampire Syndicate, the Werewolf Syndicate, the Zombie Syndicate, er, that's actually the Reconstructed Human Syndicate, if you want to be politically correct.  Think: Frankenstein.  Then there's the Troll Syndicate, and the Fairy Syndicate, and the Leprechaun Syndicate, and the Monster Syndicate, and the—"

            "I get the point.  I—ow!" Tommy yelped as he brushed against a bar.  "I want to know what you guys want with Merton."

            They put the cage down in a dark, damp dungeon room.  Very cliché.  While the others left, Riefus stayed.  After all, the only thing waiting for him was a very angry Brahms.

            "Why do we want Merton?  That's easy, he's a genius."

            Tommy gave that a moment's thought.  Merton _was pretty smart.  He always knew the answers to stuff at school.  "But how is Merton being smart gonna help you guys?"_

            "Duh.  We'll use his genius for the supernatural to help us be evil."

            "But Merton isn't evil."

            "Not really, but now he works for us, so I guess he'll do evil stuff.  Besides, he'll do anything we tell him to do thanks to the Tericotis Venomonous."

            Tommy's ears perked up.  Literally.  "What's that?"

            "Oh, that's a potent herb that turns a person's will into mush.  That's how we got Merton to do what we want.  It's really effective but rare, so we made a deal with the Werewolf Syndicate.  They gave us the herb and we have to give them you."

            "Why didn't the Werewolf Syndicate just use the herb on me?  Why did they have to brainwash me with the whole scary movie thing?  That was painful!"

            Riefus was happy to be asked questions.  Nobody ever asked him anything.  "The T. V. only works on humans.  Since you're not human, it would only make you sick."

            Tommy looked despaired.  "So there's no way to get Merton back?"

            "Not unless a non-human bites him, but what're the changes of that happening?" he laughed.  "I think Merton will like it here, though.  We have a great retirement plan.  Of course, the retirement age is 65,000 years old."

            Tommy's eyes narrowed.  "Do I know you?" he asked.  "You seem so familiar."

            Riefus smiled.  "You probably know my cousin, Rufus.  He's the receptionist at the Werewolf Syndicate."

            "Great," Tommy mumbled and rolled his eyes.  Like there needed to be more Rufuses in the world.  Riefus continued to babble on, but Tommy was lost in thought.  Perhaps having another Rufus wasn't so bad.  If he could escape and bite Merton, then the drug would lose its power.  Then some wolfbane would fix the werewolf.  A grin spread across Tommy's face.  He was so glad Riefus was Rufus' cousin.

            "Oh my gosh!" Tommy yelled.

            "What?  What's wrong?"

            Tommy pointed at Riefus' shoulder.  "You have the biggest, hairiest spider on you that I have ever seen!  Are those…fangs?"

            Riefus went nuts and jumped wildly about.  He ran up to the cage.  "Get it off!  Get it off!"

            "Sure," Tommy responded.  He made a hairy fist and hit the nerdy vampire at the base of his neck, dropping him to the floor.  It was almost too easy.

            "These syndicates have go to hire better people," he muttered as he gingerly extracted the keys to the cage from Riefus' limp form.  He threw Riefus into the cage, locked it, and made his way upstairs.

            "Lori?"

            "Thank God you called!" she said in a very exasperated voice.  "I was just about to go looking for you guys.  Where are you?  What's happening?"

            He related the events to her.  "I wonder if Rufus has a cousin in every syndicate," he mused.

            "Don't even _joke about that.  What're you gonna do with Merton?"_

            "I'm gonna bite Merton and turn him into a werewolf."

            "No more werewolves!" she yelled.  "You're more than enough."

            "It's the only way I can stop that stuff they gave him and get him back to normal, Lori.  I don't have a choice."

            "Normal?"

            She had a point.  "Okay, it's the only way I can get him back to Merton.  And this is where you come in.  I need you to grab the wolfsbane and come here.  We're gonna stuff that down his throat after I bite him.  Got it?"

            "Sounds like a really crappy plan, but okay.  I'll see you soon."

            "Be careful."

            "Hey, I'm not the one surrounded by evil vampires, Tommy."    

            He smiled and hung up the phone.  It was time to find Merton.

            "Go fish."

            "Roxy!  No!"

            Brahms Stoker walked into Merton's cell/bedroom.  Roxy and Merton looked up innocently.  The only problem was that Roxy was fully clothed.  And Merton wasn't.  He sat on his cot in his boxers with five cards in his hands.

            "What can I say?" Roxy asked.  "Some people have all the luck."

            "Merton, get dressed _now.  Roxy, put away those cards.  Have either of you seen Riefus lately?  I can't find him."_

            "No," they muttered simultaneously.

            "Come help me look for him, Roxy.  I think he got lost again."

            They left as Merton pulled on his pants.  After a few minutes the door started to open.

            "Merton?" A wolfed out Tommy asked.  "Merton!"

            Merton's eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to yell.  Tommy grimace and lunged at his friend to keep him from attracting attention.  He clapped a hand over Merton's mouth.  "Don't yell!  I'm here to help you.  Now, um, would you mind putting your head back so I can…bite you?"

            Merton started struggling.  Tommy had to pin him to the bed, straddling his legs around Merton and holding his arms firmly above his head.  For some reason, he wasn't too fond of being in that position with another guy.

            "Geez, it should be easier to bite you.  Did I really just say that?"

            Tommy closed his eyes and bent forward.  He paused.  "I can't do this," he whispered.

            "You have to," Lori said from the doorway.  She held the wolfsbane in her hands.  "Merton will thank you when he's himself again."

            Tommy bit into Merton's flesh.  It wasn't pleasant for either.  Merton passed out.

            "I am the worst friend in the world," Tommy sighed.

            "Yes, you are," Brahms said from the doorway.  He had Lori in an iron grip, though unknown to him she had slipped the wolfsbane into her pocket.  Behind Brahms were Riefus, Roxy, and two _large vampires.  "You are also in a lot of trouble.  Did he pierce the skin?"_

            One of the two vampire guards moved to the cot and checked Merton.  He held up two fingers with blood on them.  He licked his fingers casually.

            "I wanted to do that!" Roxy whined.

            "Oh, poopie," Riefus muttered.

            "You are one dead wolf," Brahms seethed.

            Tommy rolled his eyes.  "Only if you found some other way to pay the Wolf Syndicate for that Tetris…Trphix…Termix…that stuff you fed Merton.  Or don't they care?"

            Brahms ground his teeth.  His face turned a bright red and for a minute, Lori feared he might explode right next to her.  "Put them _all in the dungeon.  Riefus, get me on the phone with the Werewolf Syndicate.  We must rectify this situation."_

            "He said _rectify," Riefus snickered as Tommy and Lori were dragged out.  Merton was carried._

            "My plans aren't _quite as good as Merton's."_

            Lori gave him an icy stare.  "No, _really?"_

            Merton woke up with a pounding headache.  His blood felt like it was on fire and every muscle hurt.  "I'm dying," he moaned from the floor of the dungeon room.

            Lori brushed a strand of hair out of his face.  "No you're not," she soothed.  "You're changing into a werewolf."

            "I'm what?!  How?  And why?  And…where am I?"

            Tommy related the events to his increasingly surprised friend.  When he finished, he told Lori to get out the wolfsbane for Merton, who contemplated the herb she handed to him.  "Tommy, do you really dislike being a werewolf?" he asked.  

            "Well, it's got its ups and down but—no!  You cannot be a werewolf, Merton!  Take that stuff before anything serious happens."

            "Yeah, I'm not putting up with two of you," Lori muttered.

            On the verge of pouting, Merton stuffed the herb in his mouth and chewed it slowly.  He looked downright disgusted.  "This stuff is terrible.  No wonder it's a poison; the taste alone could kill.  I—" Merton suddenly stopped talking and closed his eyes tightly.  There was a sharp pain and then it was gone.  "Wow.  Strong stuff."

            "You okay?" his friends as simultaneously.

            He nodded affirmatively and stood up to pace.  "So, anybody have any bright ideas on how we can get out of this?"

            "That's what we have you for, buddy," Tommy smiled.  "Plan away."

            Merton sighed.  He rather wished he was still unconscious.  "Okay, everybody empty out their pockets.  Let's see what we have to work with."

            Gum, a computer disk, change, a note passed between them during class, two aspirin, a tape of William Shatner's Greatest Hits, a nail file, and a piece of foil-wrapped, two day old pizza.  "Hey, I forgot about that!" Tommy said cheerfully, opening up the pizza and preparing to take a bite.  

            "Stop!" Merton yelled, grabbing the pizza.

            "I'm hungry!"

            "You're always hungry.  Can't you smell that?  There's a ton of garlic on your pizza."

            "I know.  I ordered extra garlic.  I…oh.  Garlic!"

            Lori and Merton just rolled their eyes.  Merton placed the pizza a fair distance from Tommy who eyes it surreptitiously.  "It ought to keep them off our backs, but how are we supposed to get out of this cell?  And where do they find all these old mansions with dungeons?  I should talk to their realtor."

            "Merton!"

            "Sorry.  Can anybody think of something to get us out of here?"

            Lori smirked and grabbed the nail file.  After a moment over the lock, she had the cell door swinging open.  "One of the few things I learned in Catholic school."

            The two boys were very impressed, if not a little jealous of her skill.  Lori and Tommy started out of the cell but Merton stopped them.  "You guys aren't gonna like this, but it has to be done.  And I've always wanted to do this to someone."

            He proceeded to smear the pizza on his friends and then himself, coating them in the garlic-y goodness.  Once there was nothing left but dough, he handed it back to Tommy who ate it happily.  

            "You're sick, you know that?"

            Tommy smiled at Merton.  "Yeah, but I bet I'm more full than you are right now."

            "Guys, can we go?"

            They met resistance as soon as they reached the first floor, but it was easy enough for them to fight off a few vampires who couldn't stand the smell of garlic and really didn't have the fighting skills to ward off a werewolf and a Lori.  But as soon as the warning was raised, Brahms came bowling into the parlor followed by Roxy, Riefus, and four other menacing (rather large) vampires.

            "What on Earth do they eat around here to make them so big?" Tommy demanded.  "I'm getting just a little ticked off."  

            "Why won't you just comply?" Brahms demanded.  "It's not as thought I'm asking for so much; just your complete subjugation to my will.  Is that really so unreasonable?"

            "Yeah."

            "A little bit."

            "Uh-huh."

            Brahms turned to his underlings.  "Get them."

            The ensuing fight was over quickly.  Without a silver cage to capture Tommy and the addition of Lori (and a de-brainwashed Merton), the three defended themselves easily.  After all, they were hardly amateurs at fighting off vampires (or demons, witches, other werewolves, monsters, medusas, video game characters, people who jump out of movies, and other hopeless villains).  After only a few minutes, the only people left standing were Tommy, Lori, Merton, Roxy, Riefus, and Brahms.

            "You can't win," Tommy informed them.  "Really.  We've never lost a fight.  How about if you just turn around and we'll go and that'll be the end of it?"

            "How about if we end your miserable existence and induct those two into our brotherhood?"  With that, Brahms rushed Tommy who simply flipped the large man over his shoulder.  He landed with a thud and moaned softly.  

            "The bigger they are, the harder they fall.  You two want to try?"

            Riefus shook his head furiously.  "Nope.  No thank you.  I'm not really the fighting type.  More clerical.  Anybody want me to take dictation?  I make a great cup of blood."

            Roxy just sighed.  "This sucks.  All I wanted was to have some fun with Merton."

            Merton grinned.  "Well, if that's the case—"

            "Merton!"

            They began to leave but Tommy stopped to stand over Brahms.  "You can't have Merton.  You can't have me.  You can't have Lori, either.  And you can tell _all_ the syndicates that.  C'mon, guys."

            As the three of them headed out the door, Merton poked his head back inside.  "Hey, Roxy, if you want to give me your num—"

            "Merton!"

            Back in the Lair, the three fell down in exhaustion.

            "I wonder which Syndicate is gonna kidnap you, Lori," Merton mumbled, verging on sleep.  "I mean, the Werewolf Syndicate got Tommy, and the Vampires got me.  You're next."

            "Yeah right.  I'll kick some paranormal ass before I wind up Syndicate bait.  It's getting downright annoying."

            There was a growling noise and Merton and Lori glanced at Tommy.  "What?  I'm still hungry."

            "Want some Oreos?" Merton asked.

            "And Yoo-Hoo," Lori added.  "Make it a double."

            Merton dragged himself out of bed.  "Guys…thanks for saving me.  And sorry if I did anything I shouldn't have.  Like try and deliver you to the Werewolf Syndicate."

            "We're a team, buddy.  We all save each other.  It's what we do."

            "Yeah, and in the future, Tommy isn't allowed to make any of the plans," Lori muttered.

            "Hey, we got out of there!"

            "Barely!"

            Merton smiled happily.  There was nothing like friends.  Even if their lives were a little complicated.  "I'll go get the food."


End file.
